i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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