BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
