The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
