He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
