I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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