I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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