Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
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She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
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I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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