i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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