this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
