How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
