I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
