Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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