Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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