We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
