I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
