i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
