I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
