Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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