insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
