based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
