Screwed.edu
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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