OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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