I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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