dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize