Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
