The maid of honor just puked.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize