I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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