Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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