Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
