I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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