what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
