At least make sure they are 18
Why
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
