i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
