Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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