dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
