I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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