My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
