my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
