he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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