i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
