Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
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He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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