she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
