I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
