toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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