You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
