she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
