never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
