dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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