I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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