Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
