My room smells like vodka and shame
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
