My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
