I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
