New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
