I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
