I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
