At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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