When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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