Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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