need another drink. this is the easiest way
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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