im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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