his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
