Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
