Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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