ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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