omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
